In Pema Chödrön’s teaching, what is commonly called “ego” is not treated as a solid, enduring entity, but as a constellation of habitual patterns, stories, and defenses built around a basic insecurity. She describes it as a constructed sense of “me” that constantly seeks security, comfort, and confirmation, yet has no fixed core. Drawing on Buddhist perspectives on emptiness and impermanence, she emphasizes that this ego is fluid and dependently arisen, a process rather than a thing. It shows up as “the story of me,” as neurotic self-centeredness, and as the subtle and not-so-subtle strategies used to avoid groundlessness.

A central way she illuminates ego is through the language of shenpa, the feeling of being “hooked” by craving, aversion, or fear. Ego tightens around this hook, turning fleeting impulses into entrenched dramas of blame, defensiveness, and self-justification. She also speaks of ego as a cocoon, a protective shell that promises safety but ultimately functions as a prison, limiting genuine contact with life. The strategies of this cocooned ego—aggression, grasping, and denial—are seen as the very patterns that perpetuate suffering.

Rather than advocating a war on ego, her approach is to work skillfully with these patterns, softening toward them with curiosity and compassion. Harsh self-judgment or attempts to annihilate ego are understood as more of the same aggressive energy that ego already thrives on, a form of spiritual materialism that only reinforces the problem. Instead, she encourages recognizing ego’s manifestations in real time—defensiveness, self-criticism, emotional reactivity—and using those moments as opportunities to stay present with discomfort. In this way, difficult emotions become a path rather than an enemy, revealing the insubstantial nature of the very self that clings to them.

This work with ego is inseparable from the cultivation of bodhicitta, the awakened heart. As one sees how universal these ego-driven tendencies are, compassion naturally extends both inward and outward, undermining the rigid boundary between self and others. Practices of mindfulness, loving-kindness, and compassion gradually loosen ego’s grip, not by erasing it, but by transforming its energy into greater openness, freedom, and genuine connection.